So, I want to say this. I feel like an imposter, a fraud. If you have read my guide on how to stay safe, well, and enjoy the holidays this post will make more sense to you. You can download it for free here.

The truth is that I’m just not feeling it this year. 

I have been following my guide and it is just so hard to be in the holiday spirit in the current climate. I haven’t always enjoyed the holidays but a few years ago I decided to change that. I decided to control what I can (my attitude) and I CHOOSE to enjoy them. My guide came from my personal experience. I felt it was so important to share it because if it could help one other person enjoy this season and stay well during it, I had to share it.

What do I do now that it’s not working. How do I admit that I am practicing what I preach but it’s not working for me this year?

It is early, it is December 4, 2020 as I write this. So, maybe, hopefully the holiday spirit will bite me soon and I will be my jolly, holly self. But as of right now, I can’t ignore that I feel what is going on in the current climate is weighing me down. And I don’t mean that in a victim, putting blame, making it all about me way. I mean it a way that I feel like getting wrapped up in the holidays is just a little hard to do right now. When the pandemic started my thoughts went to this season. That we needed to do what we had to to not let “the Rona” ruin christmas. And here we are. 

I’m ok with the holidays being different. I feel selfish for even still wanting to be jolly and enjoy the season. But this is my favorite time of year and to have it taken is sad.

There is sooooo much I don’t know. As time goes on the one thing I become more and more certain of is just how little I know. The one thing I do know is that this year has been hard for every single person on this planet. That every single person has had something taken from them this year due to the pandemic. 

I don’t find solace in this. Honestly, it makes me even more sad. What it does do, is it helps me to have perspective. Perspective of what we are ALL going through. That we are all so different but so similar at the same time. 

I want to be honest. My holiday spirit isn’t the only thing the pandemic has taken but for some reason I’m finding it hard to roll with this punch. So far this year I have been able to pivot and adjust. To keep going, keep smiling, while honoring my feelings and what the collective is going through.

I attribute handing everything thus far to my wellness practices. I have been taking care of my mind, body, and soul. My wellness practices have been my rock. My go-to. My sanity. Especially the wellness and connection to my soul. I have been able to lean into my relationship with the divine more than I ever have before. I have had beautiful lessons of surrender and faith. If I had to name my biggest take-away from this year, it is surrender. It is a knowing that I have a very zoomed in perspective. And the universe, the divine, God, however you refer to the one energy that creates ALL things, has that overhead, big picture in mind. They are coordinating everything perfectly. It is not our job to worry about that big picture. Not to be concerned with how things will turn out. To just trust. Trust that we can’t see the big picture because that is not our place. Our place is to be present. To control what we can and to surrender the rest. And to not deceive ourselves of what we can control. 

This is also a time to let ourselves feel the emotions that are coming up right now. Our feelings are not good or bad. They just are. They just want to be felt, honored, experienced and to be LET GO! These deep emotions will not be here forever. The sadness, the despair, the fear, are messengers but don’t get too caught up in the analyzing the message. It is only important to heed the message, learn the lesson and let it go. The only way an emotion will stick around is if you hold onto it. 

The pain of this time is to inspire growth. Let it in. Honor yourself and your emotions during this time and forever. 

Get out of your head and get into nature. It is amazing how healing just a walk outside is. Especially when you are struggling emotionally. Did you know that emotions are meant to be processed in your body and NOT your mind? That is why we feel emotions and don’t think them. Your body knows what to do. Your job is to let it by taking care of it, by moving it, nourishing it and resting it. 

Tending to your body will trickle into taking care of your mind. Your mind reaps the benefits when you take care of your body as well. Organizing your space and having a practice of focusing your mind like meditation is so important to your mental wellness. Also, bringing yourself into the present moment and just focusing on that. Like literally that moment and nothing else, will help tremendously with the state of your mind.

I have been and will continue to lean into my wellness practices to mange these ever changing times but I want to be honest that they aren’t a cure all. Just because you are well and have a solid wellness routine doesn’t mean you won’t struggle. It doesn’t mean it will always be sunshine and rainbows. It does mean you are more equipped to handle hard times and you have tools in your toolbox that will help you handle any situation.

So, I will surrender to this holiday season not being the way I’m used to. To accept what currently is and how it is making me feel. I will go day-by-day, moment-by-moment. Writing is healing for me. It is my creative outlet. I will continue to write and to share. Honesty and transparency is so important right now. There is no need to be fake. That time has passed. We are in a new age now. An age of transparency . I hope that in my transparency that you will be able to honor yourself and your reality. That you will feel less alone and less like you have to conceal how you are truly feeling. 

The time for faking it is over. The time for truth is now!

If you are struggling, if you need a friend right now, please reach out. Reach out to a friend, family member or professional. I am also here for you. You can reach me at hello@yourmodernalignment.com

You are never alone, remember that always. You are more loved than you could ever imagine. Loved from above and here on Earth.

Until next time, stay well my friend!